Today, in a moment of boredom…I pruned the inbox of my cellular phone and was filled with a “some people really do love me” feeling.
Most of the time when I’m thinking “How do I feel?” (which also isn’t too often, usually I skip right to “I feel like crap” without having to ask myself the question first) the answer that surfaces is never really “loved.” The fact I haven’t been actively acknowledging the absence of love must mean puberty is wrapping up it’s show, right? I mean, it better be. I’m going to be 19 in July, and my boobs stopped their conquest when I was 16.
onlyhuman25or28: dude dont u wish u could go back to the old days
onlyhuman25or28: like middle school
onlyhuman25or28: and like relive it
UsefulPockets:….uhhhh, i don’t know about THAT
UsefulPockets: but i remember it and get all nostalgic pretty frequently
UsefulPockets: it makes me think that good things can always come from shitty situations
UsefulPockets: mom told me that when she gave me a pair of pearl earrings on my 16th birthday.
UsefulPockets: apparently pearls are formed when sand gets caught inside of an oyster and the oyster gets all pissed off and irritated and releases chemicals that crystallize around the grain of sand and form a pearl
UsefulPockets: i think her point was “something good can come from your shitty situation”
onlyhuman25or28: nice
onlyhuman25or28: thats a cool thing for a mom to do
onlyhuman25or28: haha ur mom is really nice tho
UsefulPockets: haha, we don’t really get along
UsefulPockets: i mean, we try
UsefulPockets: but i think we both know we’re better off recognizing our differences than trying to force something that won’t happen
UsefulPockets: haha, i’m aware i probably won’t appreciate her until after she dies
UsefulPockets: it’s sad
onlyhuman25or28: haha yea
UsefulPockets: it’s sad that i can’t make a move
And that’s why I have you, Mr. WordPress. Because I’m an ungrateful teenager.
In the children’s class at my kung fu school, my teacher emphasizes how contagious enthusiasm is, how we should respect our mothers, and how being rich has nothing to do with how much money we have, but how thankful we are. He always thanks me for helping and compliments me on my teaching skills and enthusiasm. I wonder if I’m genuinely enthusiastic and optimistic when I’m not in my own head like this. I’d hate to be lying to myself AND a group of easily influenced children.
I’ll sleep on this and get back to you, Mr. WordPress.
