So I decided to get my ass to the gym and try to walk out my legs a bit. Getting out of the car, I was hit in the face with ANOTHER butterfly. Freaking totem animal, I swear.
I saw a girl that had on a pair of shorts that said “BASKETBALL” across the butt, but for the first few seconds I only noticed the “BASKET” part because the elliptical machinery was blocking the “BALL” part. This experience makes me want to own a pair of shorts that say “BASKET CASE” on the ass part. I need to buy some screen-on material and blank athletic shorts.
Doing tai chi in the auxiliary gym, I encountered a grasshopper. I thought for sure one of the big guys out there lifting weights would come in and crush the little guy on sight because that’s what asshole guys do. I couldn’t let that happen because not only would I have felt bad, I would lose kung fu points. I mean, it was a grasshopper.
So I caught the thing and made my way to the front desk, and waited for the guy on duty to turn around and give me a stamp on my hand so I may re-enter. My little grasshopper buddy started moving around and I made this audible “Nghr!!” sound, then said “Don’t tickle me, man, I’m trying to save your life.” The guy at the desk (must have been a college student) turned around and looked pretty confused. I held up my cupped hands and said “Uh…can I have a stamp…please?” and he just slowly and silently pressed the rubber block on the top of my hand. I swear he shook his head a little bit. How embarrassing. On the way back in I tried explaining to him that I needed to save the grasshopper but he raised an eyebrow like he just didn’t get it.
Basket case shorts would have made an excuse for me. I really should jump on making a pair. I also need that new port-o-potty picture for the year.
Other than that, I’ve declared the rest of today a “don’t freaking move or go anywhere” day. Tomorrow it’s back to the school. Friday’s second half should be a breeze as long as I practice.
A quick edit, I just thought I’d log that I am down to 140 lbs. Which is awesome. My breasts have reduced to nothing. Which is awesome. Because now I can run down the track and not worry about turning anyone on. Just kidding. I’ve never turned anyone on, to the extent of my knowledge. But we’ve all seen that MST3k that talks about the concept of accidental turn ons, right? I feel I don’t have to worry about being responsible for any accidental on-turning. Or even intentional on-turning.
…Which is awesome.
Oh god I crack myself up.
Another quick edit. I’d like to clarify that by “nothing” I mean like, an A/B cup size. Compared to my D of eight months ago. From a D to an A!? It’s rap worthy. From the windows, to the walls, to the [what a god-awful song, like, seriously.].
Hahahahaha.
I’mdoneI’mdoneI’mdone.
