Okay, here’s your self-esteem plan for this year, Rose. You’re going to quit being a little bitch and run every day.
Every. day.
I want you to be able to nail a mile in under 8 minutes on a regular day by March. Your last 8 minute mile only happened because you were pissed off and you know it. Either be pissed off more, or condition. I suggest you condition, Rose.
This month, we’re concentrating on arms and the backs of your legs, because those are in hideous condition. You need to make sure you use the circuit at least three times a week, even if that freaky old guy keeps looking at you. You can’t keep bailing because of him.
Do squats or something though, because your horse stance sucks. Avoid the butterfly knives at kung fu. Those things are like, 8 lbs a pop and you’ll bulk up. Be ambidextrous with a broadsword so that your right arm doesn’t end up bigger than your left arm. Remember though, you aim to get married and have kids, not be a killing machine.
Your biggest challenge will be watching the carbs after 4 p.m.. You know what? Just quit being a fatty in general and you’ll do fine.
