“Leave your body at the door.”

Today, in a moment of boredom…I pruned the inbox of my cellular phone and was filled with a “some people really do love me” feeling.

Most of the time when I’m thinking “How do I feel?” (which also isn’t too often, usually I skip right to “I feel like crap” without having to ask myself the question first) the answer that surfaces is never really “loved.” The fact I haven’t been actively acknowledging the absence of love must mean puberty is wrapping up it’s show, right? I mean, it better be. I’m going to be 19 in July, and my boobs stopped their conquest when I was 16.

onlyhuman25or28: dude dont u wish u could go back to the old days
onlyhuman25or28: like middle school
onlyhuman25or28: and like relive it

UsefulPockets:….uhhhh, i don’t know about THAT
UsefulPockets: but i remember it and get all nostalgic pretty frequently
UsefulPockets: it makes me think that good things can always come from shitty situations
UsefulPockets: mom told me that when she gave me a pair of pearl earrings on my 16th birthday.
UsefulPockets: apparently pearls are formed when sand gets caught inside of an oyster and the oyster gets all pissed off and irritated and releases chemicals that crystallize around the grain of sand and form a pearl
UsefulPockets: i think her point was “something good can come from your shitty situation”

onlyhuman25or28: nice
onlyhuman25or28: thats a cool thing for a mom to do
onlyhuman25or28: haha ur mom is really nice tho
UsefulPockets: haha, we don’t really get along
UsefulPockets: i mean, we try
UsefulPockets: but i think we both know we’re better off recognizing our differences than trying to force something that won’t happen
UsefulPockets: haha, i’m aware i probably won’t appreciate her until after she dies
UsefulPockets: it’s sad

onlyhuman25or28: haha yea

UsefulPockets: it’s sad that i can’t make a move

And that’s why I have you, Mr. WordPress. Because I’m an ungrateful teenager. 

In the children’s class at my kung fu school, my teacher emphasizes how contagious enthusiasm is, how we should respect our mothers, and how being rich has nothing to do with how much money we have, but how thankful we are. He always thanks me for helping and compliments me on my teaching skills and enthusiasm. I wonder if I’m genuinely enthusiastic and optimistic when I’m not in my own head like this. I’d hate to be lying to myself AND a group of easily influenced children.

I’ll sleep on this and get back to you, Mr. WordPress.

onlyhuman25or28: so rosie
onlyhuman25or28: today i decided that since they have the same thing on certain days every week i would name the days for the chow hall

UsefulPockets: and what did you come up with?

onlyhuman25or28: well mondays im always too lazy to go to the chow hall so i have no clue wut they serve

UsefulPockets: hahahaha

onlyhuman25or28: tuesdays they have tacos and shit so its taco tuesday

UsefulPockets: i don’t suppose you listen to the aquabats, do you?

onlyhuman25or28: wendsday they have hot dawgs and sausages so i call it weener wendsday
onlyhuman25or28: nope but ive heard of them

UsefulPockets: okay nevermind
UsefulPockets: it was already ruined with having hot dogs on wednesday
UsefulPockets: i did a similar naming thing with my broad sword drills
UsefulPockets: since they were numbered and i had a hard time remembering them
UsefulPockets: first one is “dead body hop,” then “oscillating fan kick,” “silly charge,” “cat stomp,” “painful diving roll,” “the semi-circle that everyone hates,” and “marshmallow stabbing with butterflies to tornado kick.”

onlyhuman25or28: now thats just weird

UsefulPockets: well if you saw them it would totally make sense

onlyhuman25or28: ohh???

UsefulPockets: first one you cut twice, chamber the sword, and then do a 360 high enough so that if there was a dead body there, you’d be jumping over it
UsefulPockets: second one is where you kick and cut at the same time while moving forward and it reminds me of a spinning fan
UsefulPockets: the silly charge is….a silly charge. you point the sword out in front and then shuffle forward and then make a stabbing motion.
UsefulPockets: cat stomp is where you’re in a cat stance and flick the sword downwards to block while shuffling forward (still in a cat stance) and you stomp your back foot down as you move forward
UsefulPockets: painful diving roll is a painful diving roll

onlyhuman25or28: id like to stomp a cat

UsefulPockets: …….

Bullet points are totally necessary here.

I went to the Streetlight Manifesto concert at the Cleveland Agora last night with Stev.

Overall: A+ would do it again

Haha, so…I DID lose my job, but not because of my suspenders. I just thought the timing of the facebook feed was amazing.

It’s been a rough week. Awkward and surreal and rough. But somehow my Wednesday was worse than my Thursday. Maybe things are about to change.